Coming out of the shell

I’ve been thinking about life a lot recently. I’m 23 and it is flying by faster than I ever could have imagined. If it keeps increasing the speed by which it is currently passing I think I soon might feel like Adam Sandler in “Click.” His life is racing by at a ‘fast-forward’ rate.

Because of this feeling there has been an increased pressure (I’ve been putting it on myself, of course) to develop into the type of person, teacher, and individual that I would like to be.

The piece of that trifecta that most consumes my thought process these days is teacher. My mind is constantly reeling over what I’m doing in the classroom, how the students are responding (positively and negatively), and then what I can continue to do/change in order to become a better teacher.

It hasn’t left me a whole lot of time for personal reflection, how I’m interacting with society, and how my relationship and understanding of Jesus Christ and his teachings are intertwined with those parts of my life. I am currently placing a great amount of trust in the belief that Jesus will not let me go; that he will hold me, guide me, and teach me while my focus is anchored in only the present.

That being said I have attempted to remain grounded in scripture and other spiritual readings in the 15-30 minutes of morning time I have to myself. This is a list of my prayer one-liners over the last few days based on those readings…

Thursday September 22, 2011:

  • My time is not my own. Every second has been entrusted as a gift. Do not let me grow sour or resent what is asked of my time.

Saturday September 24, 2011:

  • You do not ask for prayer, church attendance, or even service. You ask for EVERYTHING. Let me be willing to offer everything for the glory of your Kingdom.

Sunday September 25, 2011:

  • “The Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these (children)…” Let me see you, Jesus, reflected in my students. That I may love them and serve them the same way that I would you.

Wednesday September 28, 2011

  • Bury deep in my heart not only the knowledge and understanding of your strength to save souls, Jesus, but also the desire and power to redeem the world.

Saturday October 1, 2011

  • Lord, help me to know you so well that I hear your voice clearly guiding me through all the decisions that are placed before me.
  • Make me strong; strong and confident in doing your will, and when I am a coward come and pull me out from under the rocks that I’ve hidden beneath and push me forward.
P.S. If you’re curious I’m currently reading the gospel of John, The Screwtape Letters, and The Hole in Our Gospel. Echoing the emphasis of the ‘Spoiled’ post, I must say that despite the lack of time I have to devote to the study of written materials and artifacts I feel as though I lack nothing (except for sleep, but that’s to be expected at 23, right?).
P.P.S. My prayer for you is that you find the confidence with which to live your life the way it was meant to be. Love.
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